"MY VAGINAS DEPRESSED"-Charlotte

So, ive been reading [MY GURLS] blogs, and i guess its my turn to address my character from SEX & THE CITY..none other than Charlotte York of course. Like me, Charlotte has a refreshingly optimistic outlook on love and romance admist the ever-complex dating scene of NYC(in my case its LA). well-bred,she walks through life with a sense of decorum.and a lot of idealism. just like Charlotte, ive always had a crystalline vision of the life i want to have. i want to get married, i want true love,and i want my husband to be wealthy,fine as hail,and belong to the social elite. i want to not get married and a year or 3 later divorce. But actually maintain a stable relationship with someone[the point of sayin till death do us part]. of course i had thought i found my prince charming, willing to give my self and sacrifice any and everything for him. but of course it was far from what i had hoped it would be. not one for giving up on love, i worked hard at my less-then-perfect unioun but it still, like so many uther things, managed to fail horribly. i guess my whole LOVE(K)thing is a symbol of everything ive been through. all the pain, the failed relationships, and my desire to still keep moving on.my hope that someday ill be truly happy. my doubts grow with every jerk i meet who feeds me lies to comfort what they think is a brain filled with insecurities...

most recently though i felt that my search for love was over(just like the time before, and before that)i didnt make a big deal to the rest of the Squad about my deep feelings because deep down inside i knew this would crash and burn. long distance relationships are destined for greatness...but only emotionally. the meaning ONE IN THE SAME is not takin lightley in this case.i was dating myself from a distance. he decided to call it quits becus he disnt want me compromising my future and my goals for him. he sounded like GABBY..UGH! it was like the realist was speaking to me. besically telling me that it was a loose loose situation. if we went to the same college, and broke up..we'd b stuck at THE SAME COLLEGE,,ANNND PISSED.and if we made it thru the entire four years together, we'd b ready for marriage and out the window goes our college expierance and in comes all the "what if's"..so we parted as if we wernt already far off. we still talk almost everyday, and the i loves yous are still said out of habit. that will always be my shortest most meaningful relationship. he'll always be known as the one who never made me cry, never caused me any pain. only 357 LOL's, and 47 inside jokes..now i find that every dude that approaches me, i compare him to my lost love..and no they never qualify..theyve all been put into my "he'll do for now"section. i refuse to love n e one else, and i know im back where i started..still hoping that someone can change my mind..but now instead of looking for love..im waiting to b the one that someone else searched for...