im trying to figure out who i am. meaning, in a deeper way..... now that i have so much freedom, i dont know where to begin.. compared to all the rest of my friends, ii have so much catching up to do..endless partying, getting tatted at a moments notice, splurging on kiks, klothes, and juggling the tendas.. is this who i am, or how i deal with my pain.. ?. my rebelliousness, is becoming a bit careless... i thought i was more then that. ii find myself hurting people more often..quick to spout out how i feel, having less patience, and becoming easily frustrated..(not with friends.. with the tendas i mean.) i use to be so quick to want to love, and to see the good in all people..none of that runs thru my mind anymore.im the words written on paper about love gone wrong.. i cant picture myself in a real relationship, let alone married. i no longer want children.. ill just stick with a cat... and im sure my ways will make me really really really papered up.. for their wont be any distractions...but as i deal with each love story individually, but in unison, im still stuck in the background of my own story. as many people their are willing to put up with my shyt, and fight for my love.. id still feel alone in the world. ive left so many choices, so many possibilities.. i dont know which way to turn to. i feel like, this is when i need my gurls.. when ive always needed my gurls. they are my family. my guidance. my everything... everyone has their own separate lives, and while ammo has her baby, gabby has her SF Lifestyle, and Erin has her..Ron. lol, all i have are late nights, early mornings, and bottled up aggression.. oh.. and the tendas.. but theyre becoming accessories for me. like earrings.. each one for a different occasion.eye candy used for dinner partys or shopping sprees.. i unno.. just some thoughts.ii gotta go blow my noze now.
_slowpoke'
Wednesday
some days your the pigeon && somedays ur the statue.
Thursday
thought process..
his lips tasted like tobbaco
sweet && sinful
sweet && sinful
he made my body forget about allergic reactions
completly aware of the lies that were told
the secrets we'd hold
we knew this was love
only sometimes...
my definition of love must be diffrent with each guy i come into contact with. i will respect a man, but these hoes get no love. at first i thought that i was the one growing with each conversations, or movie date... but ive noticed that its completly the opposite, and it always has been.. im the one that guys run too because im the "stable" type.. the financial stability, the therapist, the sense of responsibily.. something representing maturity.. im tired of being a safe haven.. a place to run to.. the "wifey" type.. i understand that thats a very respectable title... but damn.. ii juss wanna kik it.. without all the obligation.. so much pressure.. its npot even like i put myself in these situations.... not all the tyme... i juss cant help but hav a diffrent dude for diffrent reasons.. my goal is to find ONE with most if not all, and i hav yet to come across that.. and until i do, im struck juggling several diffrent but all very fake relationships.. all held together by false promises and lustful thinking..
_SLOWPOKE'
Wednesday
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