Part 1: i guess i was the test baby.. i can already see it in my "parents" eyes.. that glazed over look of tired-ness and reassurance that this one is gunna turn out better then the first..(meaning me).. i love my half sister to pieces.. but for some reason i feel as if she is beginning to be the death of me..at least until i leave. i seem to now more then ever just be another body occupying a room in this house. as cold as that may seem, i am only called on for changing diapers, warming bottles, and my favorite,"could you pass me that remote".. i finally get why siblings fight. its not so much jelousy, its the frustration the older kiid gets for having to put up with the extra behind the sences stuff when it comes to raising someone other than themselves. its annoying.. im completly invisible until someone needed me for something.. i could go on a trip for a month,and know one would notice im gone until they needed me to hand them a diaper. lol..
PART 2: all you need is LOVE...(QUESTiON MARK)
this is the year where i spend alot of time alone. with self. i have FIVE friends..who i spent almost everyday of my life with for four years.. if Love for me is defined as family, friends, and lovers...so lets break this down..my "family"...is occupied. my "friends" are out of reach.. and my lover... ____???_____???_____.. yup thats about where im left. i am trully alone and unhappy in a world filled with people who strive on negativity. partying is fun until i leave..and im right back to the unhappyness level. everything in my life, people,places,goals..evreything feels so distant. like i see it all. its in my view.but i cant fully grasp any of it. to you all this may seem like rambiling.. which it is.. im just trying to understand this semi holy life im leading with no view of a greater outcome then what it is right now. when will it be my time.. my time for greatness. i would have to say that this is my middle-life crisis..which means, either i only have 1/2 of a life left to live. lol, or when i really do get to be middle aged, my crisis would have came pre maturley.. lol. soon, ill end up with tattoes on my face, body piercings, and a really bad attitude.
PART 3: the love is gone..LOVE(K)..
im tired of people asking my why i want a tat that says Love(K), especially if im in love..lol...these are dense, enegmatic people.. Love(K) is a symbol of all of the pain that i have been through..all of the "trials && tribulations", that have none-the-less, gotten me to where ii am today. it is a symbol of the strength i have to keep going. even though right now, things seem but futul, i know that i'll get through it, like so many other things. there are days when the last thing i want to do is be in love, and smile, and constantly give,give,give..becaus i always find myself getting little or none in return. it is the symbol that reminds me why i love. the moments of sincerity. next to new born babys, Love is the purest thing left on earth. and the few that are lucky to obtain its true meaning, never really appreciate LOVE for what it really is...