DEFINE PRIORITY:

1. the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence.

2.Something afforded or deserving prior attention.

3. An established right to precedence

I would think that every person would like to consider themselves important. but to what ranking would people put you in?.. where do you fit on the scale of peoples priorities? to think that the world completely revolves around you is different then feeling as if you deserve someones attention. what even makes you qualified to be noticed in a persons life.

THE WAY I SEE IT IS...

everyone is placed in a category in a persons life just like the categorys on a persons buddy list. usually, the less important people are in a BIIIIG GROUP towards the bottom... in many cases, unconciously the person at the very top of the list is usually the most important. i have noticed this in many peoples sidekicks..the stupiid insider names for people..or the usual "thirstys"..whatever it is..everyone is in a category..which brings me to my next word..

DEFINE EGO:

1.the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus

mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment

2. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.

3. self-esteem or self-image; feelings

it is this word that has been the leading cause to all of my impatience and horrible non content-ness..i do not think of myself as a prideful person..but it has recently been brought to my knowledge that i have a required amount of attention needed from people i care about. the people who are of little importance to me, are treated in that manner..they are acquaintance of which i check up on.. but those who do matter a significant amount, are in my eyes, placed on a pedestal to a certain degrre. i put just ass much energy into the people i love as i do for my craft of writing. so when i excpect the same in return, i always come up short handed.

MY CONCLUSION

to this lack of effort from everyone else is this... people have better things to do then gawk and proclaim in a shakspearen way how great and wonderfully awesome there loved ones are. and no one can ever do that as well as me. i get it now...sort of i think. people come to me for that loving effort when needed..

but .. i often ask myself when is it my turn..

-SlowPoke'

ii dont do drugs...so they smoke my half.

these are my refer heads. Jesse && BURG-A-LICIOUS.

im spending my day with them since my klass was cancelled. its refreshing to be around people that actually know me. any ways..back to the refer..these guys smoke sooOoOOo much. if they rapped just as much as they smoked, they would have millions and trillions of money. theyre twice as funny when they are high. they both have double lifes. lol.. no matter what they tell you. they both have the best advice ive ever hurd..(usually when theyre high).. they have the higest tolerence for weed ive ever seen. but yea..they smoke, rap, and give great advice..

GOD SMACKED ME iiN THE HEAD TODAY... I GET iiT NOW

Part 1: i guess i was the test baby.. i can already see it in my "parents" eyes.. that glazed over look of tired-ness and reassurance that this one is gunna turn out better then the first..(meaning me).. i love my half sister to pieces.. but for some reason i feel as if she is beginning to be the death of me..at least until i leave. i seem to now more then ever just be another body occupying a room in this house. as cold as that may seem, i am only called on for changing diapers, warming bottles, and my favorite,"could you pass me that remote".. i finally get why siblings fight. its not so much jelousy, its the frustration the older kiid gets for having to put up with the extra behind the sences stuff when it comes to raising someone other than themselves. its annoying.. im completly invisible until someone needed me for something.. i could go on a trip for a month,and know one would notice im gone until they needed me to hand them a diaper. lol..

DEAR Pickle,

I know you cant read this, but this is my dedication to you. one day when you can read, youll see this...i want you to know that im happy your in my life, but i know that we will be worlds apart. i will always be there for you when you need someone. good or bad...especially bad, kus both ya parents is crazy. i hope to mold you into a wild child. to be the rebel i never really was. lol.

PART 2: all you need is LOVE...(QUESTiON MARK)


this is the year where i spend alot of time alone. with self. i have FIVE friends..who i spent almost everyday of my life with for four years.. if Love for me is defined as family, friends, and lovers...so lets break this down..my "family"...is occupied. my "friends" are out of reach.. and my lover... ____???_____???_____.. yup thats about where im left. i am trully alone and unhappy in a world filled with people who strive on negativity. partying is fun until i leave..and im right back to the unhappyness level. everything in my life, people,places,goals..evreything feels so distant. like i see it all. its in my view.but i cant fully grasp any of it. to you all this may seem like rambiling.. which it is.. im just trying to understand this semi holy life im leading with no view of a greater outcome then what it is right now. when will it be my time.. my time for greatness. i would have to say that this is my middle-life crisis..which means, either i only have 1/2 of a life left to live. lol, or when i really do get to be middle aged, my crisis would have came pre maturley.. lol. soon, ill end up with tattoes on my face, body piercings, and a really bad attitude.

PART 3: the love is gone..LOVE(K)..

im tired of people asking my why i want a tat that says Love(K), especially if im in love..lol...these are dense, enegmatic people.. Love(K) is a symbol of all of the pain that i have been through..all of the "trials && tribulations", that have none-the-less, gotten me to where ii am today. it is a symbol of the strength i have to keep going. even though right now, things seem but futul, i know that i'll get through it, like so many other things. there are days when the last thing i want to do is be in love, and smile, and constantly give,give,give..becaus i always find myself getting little or none in return. it is the symbol that reminds me why i love. the moments of sincerity. next to new born babys, Love is the purest thing left on earth. and the few that are lucky to obtain its true meaning, never really appreciate LOVE for what it really is...

this month, i have learned that Love is unexpected, and it takes alot of work to maintain..kind of like a pet, but without all the shedding.. it takes patience and understanding..and i know that theses are the things i have yet to accomplish..but when in doubt..love harder i always say..

(to myself i mean lol)

-SlowPoke'