HAPPY BIRTHDAY: SELF.

Intuition

its all baad.. && iit will alllllll come out. .soon. enuff.

SIDEBAR

ive noticed that when ur with someone alot, around them.. u become like them..u retain the same habits, the same phrases,ur body language is diffrent, even your way of thinking.. ive been called an asshole today officially seven times.. am i proud of it? hail yea.. only assholes, speak how they feel with no apologies.. not to say that i didnt hav a mind of my own before...but before..i was afraid of confrontation..so id juss keep my mouth shut.. if people say sumthing stupid, they shuld b kalld out for it. even when im explaining things..or making jokes... i can see myself doing the same hand gestures.. and facial expressions.. lol. i think its kinda cute...kinda.........sometimes... lol

incomplete...

He draws his dreams into existence
tapping his hopes onto touch screens
Through tips built on passion and faith
A haunting habit that his soul breathes
Necessary feed, he bleeds,images
How deep
Each sight creates each masterpiece
Collisions and barricades of passion,love&pain
Life without would be meaningless
Love without would be worthless
Value is bestowed in his worth:
Greatness.
Blank slates, create outlets of space
Visionary guided by forces,
Reality is rested in his ideals.
Bound by lines, rhyme, and bars of glory.
Emotions manifested, observations
Of his passion touch many
Influence action
Close to heart, capturing each pump of life
Limited by time,
Yet available
The art never dies.
Production of perfection at war with priorities
And perception of loving art more
Than those tangible.
But: the obsession is within each breath.
Admired publically
Yet, only needing affirmation and confirmation
Within. mentally.
Always hungry,
Starving artist appetite despite years invested
Misunderstood by the desires of man
Aggression against time
Begging not to be wasted, spent in vain
Lost in the concept of creation.
Conscious controls living. All that is thought, is, and will be.
And he begins without instruction
Guided by movement
Requested by many
Misunderstood by plenty
Placing blame on man
For being only human
Admired, even envied for his craft.
Refreshing, eternal soul starving to be full
Yet exposed
Releasing visions, filling holes
But still left incomplete...
Just breathing...

you can be my muse
my mona lisa of a masterpiece
my reasoning for metaphors
and laughter
and hyperness
no suger added
dont hold back your happiness
your contentment to stay
those dempels are tattle tales
you can be my forever && a day
my plus one
the reason i take the long way home
you can be my secret
held tightly in my pocket
away from the world
not just on rainy days
let me save u
from pollution
global warming
from yourself
you can be my.....
u can just be mine.

everything hurts.. some part of this is wrong.. and my gaurd is up and im waiting to be disappointed.waiting to find the reasonign behind this pain..im prolly rambling.. but these thoughts haunt my daydreeams, and cloud my sleep..im still tryna put it all together.. others shouldnt have to remind me of my worth, or my beauty or n e other thing thats pointed out to me throughout my days... not that ii look for it, but ii wonder why the silence falls so hard onto my heart.. ii juss sometimes doubt whether or not im good enuff..on the list of things we dont speak on.. right under Exs' && shoe selection...


2bc...

when hearts break..

When hearts break,
they all sound the same
Their beats speak in bilingual tongues
But disappointment talks in the same language
Evil intentions have the same complexion
Which is hard to identity sometimes
But you learn by experience..
when hearts break,
letting go hurts less
when you are holding on alone
already knowing u wernt good enuff
forgotten amongst superficial figures
that dont go deeper then weaves && pretty smiles
when hearts break,
it no longer believes in happy endings
or natural beauty
only nightmares && natural disasters
tucks you in at night

2bc.

ON REPEAT

All Cried Out - Fink

You took your time to come back this
time
The grass has grown under your feet
In your absence I changed my mind
And someone else is sitting in your seat

I know that I said that there'd be
no-one else
I know that I said I'd be true
But baby - I burned Cupid's arrow
And here's the short and narrow
I've nothing left to offer you

'Cause I'm all cried out
You took a whole lot of loving for
a handful of nothing
All cried out
It's hard to give you something when
You're pushing me

So don't look surprised there was
no disguise
You know where I stood from the start
So stop - look around you
You're right back where I found you
Take back your cold and empty heart

You go your way
I'll go mine
I won't stay around here
Don't waste my time

DELAYED TEARS

as the days of very loud silence disturb my sleep && thoughts, the more ii feel like shit. there ii said iit. im sure the self pity on my shoulder is happy now.. how i should have reacted in the moment is now how this entire day is becoming.. filled with private meltdowns && mini panick attacks..this isnt falling into the place how i wanted it to at all.but when does it EVER. its easier to say that i realize this is no longer in my hands then for me to actualy let it go..
whatever the issue is, really loving them through it measures the true amount of love had for someone i believe. ii dont feel its fair to be punished emotionally for a mistake that was made...if anything a desicion needs to be made. either be maad && off it.. or over it so we kan move on... the inbetween has to be the worst feeling.. its like fake LOL's && sarcastic coomments that hav true meaning. its the feeling of not really caring what happens at this point, putting in little to no effort && rolling(tho we never roll) your eyes to the "i miss you"'s that use to matter, which have now turned into "yeah right"'s... at what point is it okay to not feel baad about the things that have occured because you cannot possibly fix them, but only grow from them..so now.. we waiit? && how long do you wait before you realize they may not come.


((2bC))