so, i have this predicament im in... there was a time when certain people were placed into my life, and these people belonged there for only one season and i chose to hold on past a fall and a winter.. it wasnt until i let go that i realized the damage they had caused.. its hard to be in a real reltaionship now. its hard to deal with going from someone who is always putting you down, always telling you your not good enough, always asking for money,always walking all over u, always being evrything i didnt need in my life. a little boy does all those things. a man supports you and keeps you happy and is always focused on your well being. and i have that now, so whats the problem?.. im scared. terrifyed of loving someone in the greatest amount that i am capable of. im scared, not that the same thing will happen, but that because of my hesitation and cautiousness, ill push a man that i have easily fallen in love with away. i know this feeling and i love it, but its my biggest fear. bigger then dying,or hospitals, or spiders, or snakes.. its the only thing i cant control, my emotions. i want to spend every moment with him, awake,sleep, in silence.. it dusnt matter. i am my happiest there.. and typed out it sounds alot clearer then my trying to explain my self outloud.. becus outloud, i think that i sound too serious about things.. but i cant help the way i look at stuff.. and then...my issue came, and added more confusion because i didnt even know what i was mad at. every five minutes, it changed. && thats SOOO DUMB!!. over a bird, && then him not paying attention to me in my last moments of the day together.. whut the hell was wrong with me.. its so.. PETTY.. there was no real reason to be maad. juss def. took all the frustration out on him. .. all of this started with a diaper... smh.
i honestly want nothing more then for me to be the reason why hes happy, and secure, and loved. in order for that to happen, ima hav to let my past expierences go. they dont matter because im dealing with a man now.