ii paused from relationships for a long while.. i had forgotten thee uncontrollable emotions that came with it. the sacrifice, the patience, the understanding, and maturity level that is needed. i have all of those things, im completly capable in loving a man, but am i capable of letting him love me. on sum holy type -ness, i feel like GOD has placed my image of a mann into my hands.. and said here.. uve learned your lesson(s).. ur ready.. he's not ready as much as u, but im giving him to u to strengthen him where he is weak, to help build his heart.. and to build him up and help him grow, away from the things that hinder him as a man, like pride, and jelousy, and insecurites. a women should be able to, if not wash away, then subside those issues. i feel that thee amount of power my heart is capable of giving, hes not ready to recieve it fully.. so out of fear, i ration it off, in sections.. something i feel is earned..the way my mind is and how my heart thinks, i can see things into the future.. i have great optimisim when im in love. willing to sacrifice any and evrything for happieness. ((a curse to me.. ))
ive yet to find how this characterisitc helps me.. im always short changed..left hangin, forgotten about.. i unno.. im always holding back bekus im use to being looked at as weak. its better to not care at all, u dont get hurt that way. but i guess sumone means the most to u when they can make u jusst as vulnerable and angry and hurt u just as easily.. its the trusting that they love you enuff not to. i kno that now.. .i dont wanna be the "wifey" he's not ready for.. i am the reality of what a real girlfriend is. like a long term year round girlfriend.. not a plaything.. or an accerserie that goes good with dinner partys and iphones. here is a man whos every word i cling to, look up too wide eyed like a 6 year old looking up at santa clause.. when you are capable of grabbing that type of attention from any women, she will runn backwards barefoot over mountains and hills ffor u. ..