iim looking back on all of my posts within the last six months.. && ii see how much shit he really was full of...all of that emotion, && energy wasted into someone who didnt really want it nor appreciate it.. i could start this post off in so many ways..but thers nothing really to say at this point. i got dirted.. dirt game.. ramboozled..fooled && tricked into thinking ii had somethinng worth fighting for.. fooled into thinking that iii was good enough..ramboozled into feeling like he was worth it.. lol.. smh.. ii always said he should be a lawyer.. really good at lieing, making counter accusations... he was just an asshole.. lol. from the time ii met him to the last kiss. && ii kno ii saw it all comiing. i ddnt wanna believe it tho.. patience is a gift && a curse. and some people are juss not worthy of it. ii walked out of whatever it was that we had with no regrets uther then this nigga really juss waisted my time..&& more then n e thing my money.. and now since money is all ii see lately,, ii keep calculating all the dollars spent on movies...and MY OWN BIRTHDAY.. ii now wonder about things like,.. did he buy me only a book && a candle because he couldnt afford n e thing else, && was tryna b sentimental.. or did he really juss not give a fuk.. my boyfriend was racist! THERE! ii saiid iit.!! deep down inside he was only down to ride for the long haired thick red bones.. lol.. && ii juss wasnt light enuff.. ii didnt make the cut.. my ass wasnt biig enuff... my hair wasnt long enuff..or REAL enuff..lol.. && ii understand all this.. but if u met me in cargos , sneaks, && shoulder length hair?. whut happnd.. lol. my image wasnt good enuff, && ii altered it. not so much for myself but for someone elses happiness..ii mean.. iim glad ii did iit, because ii have a balance between the tomboy && the women.. && thats the thing.. iim a women, who was tryna be with a little boy, who doesnt know who he is, who wants a girlfriend, && the rest of the hoes in the world too..who wanted a girl who kuld roll over, sit, speak, &&play dead at the snap of his fingers. he almost had me tho.. ii was halfway there.. didnt want me to act like a "Bro"... when really BRO.. they were my "Bros" before u..with the exception of a few..ii grew up with these people.. && ii think its pretty saad when ur friends end up likeing me better then you. ii feel sorry for him in a way.. im hurt tho.. kus this whole thing was a lie.. i mean.. maybe sometimes he did care, i dont doubt that.. but how long r u suppose to pretend to love someone?.. is it when ur standing at the alter with a ring in your hand that you realize this aint it for u?.. that u really tryna fuxx wiit the skinny long haird broad in the studio..lol..ii feel that im worthy of the truth ..if anything, ii deserve to know when its all for pretend..ii knew everthing.. ii knew it all.. nobdy has told me anything, && ii kno iim dead ass right.. iiknoabout the dancing..(well)..the bad grinding at partys.,lol ii kno about the other girls.. the change of passwords.. iim not an idiot..u idiot. half the girls he knows, ii knew first..iive functioned wit those hoes..smh.. its juss all baad.. thers so much more.. so much of everything. ive seen actuall conversations...bet he dusnt know THAT thoo.. smh.. ive always been kool with my ex's..no matter what theyve done..at somepoint..were kool.. but this.. iive never been used,manipulated,lied too,&& strung along..alll at once..maaan..this is like all the baad boyfriiends in one.. ii unno.. im over it. but still in disbelief..ifit were juss us,&& he needed "A FUK" to save his liife...ii prolly wouldnt giive him one.. ii have to learn to live without someone ii had so easily grew accustomed too..thats more painful.. ill get thru iit tho.. ii hope tho, in a few months from now, he's not in the same place ii left him at. .. for his sake. kus ive grown..i see the progress..which to me is in the stacks ii keep in shoeboxes..ii see him at the same place ii met him at. except now..without a home?..prolly waiting for a nice light brite chick to google apartments && handle all of his other secratarial needs...smh.. what was ii thinking.. lol. seriously.. what have i learned from ths whole six month bullshyt relationship..ive learned how to walk in heels, put on makeup, && to how to recognize when ur not being loved && respected the way u shuld.. ii hadforogooten who ii was kinda, lost myself in someone else..im worth so much more then this. ii can do way better then this..my recent caller ID has proved that. no more 18 year olds.. like em' young is done. lol.. officially.