KOPYKATTs

DEAR
insanelybeautifullyhonest.blogspot.com,

iits bitches like you that make me want to be more original everyday. if anyone who is reading this goes to this overgrown womans page, they will see that 4 of "her blogs" are really mine.. and its funny, kus if ur gunna steal some shyt as ur own, take my name out at the end u simple bitch. ii really am out of words for this. all ii can see is ii feel terribly bad for your "friends"..becus u r prolly just a collection of sedimentations of people you dont even know. WHO REALLY ARE YOU?..(besides biig of course.) id never hiit a women but id slap a bitch..since ur so good with quotes..who said that. n e ways.. steal sum shyt again, please. it makes me feel twice as bomb about myself, knowing that thers sumone else out there who wants to be me. a word of advice.. be yourself, because im taken. so is everyone else.. i know your prolly dealing with sum self esteem issues and whut not..(with that wiieght && all)..but its okay.. ull get thru it. just get a new weave..and post YOUR OwN words ...maybe soon youll have stalkerish wannabees posting all urstuff too!!

-THE REAL SlowPoke'

p.s.
GET SUMMMM!!!

ii Bet you think this song is about you..

Dear Gab-Bay,
ii have to make my own dinner here. IIn my eyes you can do no wrong..(kinda)..to me ii mean.. lol. u can do no wrong to me. ii love you, in the most homoist way possible..and ii appreciate you. there is not a day that goes by, and ii dont think of you. keep blaziin..ii respect iit.
song dedication: MANEATER(remix)..Nelly Furtado ft.weezy

Dear Ammo,
my nails still look awesome!! one day soon ima take ma permit test..AND PASS!! lmao. ii love you and MAXPowers..thank you for being my guRu,and giving me even the littlest amount of advice..and for ridiculing me about my driving skills.. I Love YOu MUcho Grande! && dont b puttin that baby in no more backpacks.
Song Dedication: Valerie.. Amy Winehouse

Jesse && Burg,
BURG.. your awesome for that loan. and you will be getting it bACK shortly. BESSBELIEVE.
Jesse... I LOVE YOU. u r the biig bruther ii never had. you watch my back from a distance and you always chek up on me. whenever ive needed a place to run && hide you open your home..(well handz home.. lol. ) up to me willingly. uve rescued me from work. gotten outta YOOUR BED in the pooring rain && got me. ii cannot express my gratefullness for having both of you in my liife.
Song Dedication: Check The Ryhme.. A Tribe Called Quest


hmmmm....who am ii missing...
(pause)...(smile)

PAAAAAAAAUL!!!
ii openly want you to know that ii fully respect what you do. its nice to see a black man work hard for his goals..lol you are nothing short of greatness, and for me to thiink that your actions towards me..(really no action at all..lol. jay kay..) were intentional would be LIES && DECEIT.. ii really honestly do understand...&& even if our outcome isnt where we want it to be.. IMA STILL HOLD YOU DOWN..iim happy that we got to REALLY know each other in even the short period that we did. ii take everything for what it is, and ii have grown from it. you are living proof that there is hope for the rest of the men on earth. ii was lucky enuff to have you if even for a day. thers not enuff blog space to explain how ii feel, but iim sure you must know. I Love You.&& iim happy ii got the chance for you to love me in return. no one can ever replace you. youll always be that one person who makes me nervous, && makes me blush.&&&&& II REALLY REALLY HOPE, we end up back together so you can buy me my red telephone booth..(thought ii forgot?) iif you ever need to talk or complain or want me to ask you stupid random questions, im here.. im not so good with advice, but sarcastic comments are always waiting for you. . ii must say that iif ii could have pulled my heart out of my chest and handed it to you, then that is exactly what ii did. && ii dont regret it at all. iif ii was a thug, id get you tatted on my ass or sumthin..lol. Love You biighead.
Song dedication:Hey America..Weezy

PUSHA-T

iim not myself. someone else iis iin my body. my iinsides are cold. have ii fallin back on my word?... ii sell death. ii slip it into mothers son's hands.(tho never to my loved ones) without remorse but filled with pressure. MONEY.. green && liike addictions, ii striive for more. ...secrets seem to haunt me more often. this person that breathes is not me.iits rare that women get caught. for n e thing that they do: 1.women dont tell 2.we deny everything, && make counter accustaions. but my perceptions on things have defiantley changed. ii thiink iim less naiive to the things that go on around me since ii have become more invloved iin them. ii used to live life, iin my own little bubble. my own world fiilled with peace (free fades) && love..now, ii robotically interact with others. ii stroll thru life wiith no more cares. no motivation. iim confused, and ii think iim just over liife in general unless it has to do with makiin that paper. iive found a new focus..since ii always seem to fall short when iit comes to Love...at least ill be walkin down this lonely road wit a GWAP. ii wiill say that haviing a new born in my house is defiantly payiing off. SLIM?! WHUDDUP!!..ii will say that iim glad ii could confide in you && iim glad u got ma back doggy!! they aiint Ready fa US!!

-SlowPoke'

"SECRETS KILL WHO HAVE THEM && THEY KILL WHO TELL THEM" -GAB$MOKE

FAVORiiTES!!

today ii feel like ii got left at the alter...just one day short of happiness.

MY FAVORiiTE THINGS!!

the color PURPLE

the smell of xmas trees && clorene

cold hardwood floors

gerber daisys(pink)

messenger bags

pepermint bubble bath

UNDYWEAR!! (BRAS&&&PANTIES)

hotpink nails

chuks

old cars(mustangs)

vintage T's

dudes with BRACES

corny jokes

cupcakes with buttercream iicing

sticky pepermint kisses

addicted to ballplayers

birthday cake remix icecream(coldstones)..while next to the heater

courage the cowardly dog

def poetry jam

to be continued...

DEAR Mr.Dedication,
picture this
read it if your literate.
you && me together
(an optimist & a hypocrite)
ii know we've been down a bit
on that dirt road of hurt souls.
(shiver at the sound of it)
one day you will love me on purpose.
whole heartedly, and with full intent.
&& then maybe things will be how we ment
for them to be
maybe in time you will
eat,sleep,breathe
me.

BlOoOOOoooD!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!
R.I.P. Khieem Lamar Gray
I Love You



for many, today is valentines day, a time for love and hugs and kisses.. i have never had a V-Day spent with my "special someone"... this day is always the day love is out of my reach.. it also happens to my fathers birthday...(the irony)..so i went to his grave for the first time since i was 9. and i soon as i got there, i noticed how i remembered where he was, and the little memories i did have played back in my mind. i left with a relieved feeling, like his death was not in vain. i wouldnt have turned out to be the great person that i am now. i wouldn't have the people that are in my life now. everything happens for a reason, and it is hard to be without him, but in his demise, i have gained so much. i thank everyone who had been there for me to support me, even if from a distance.:
Dana
Gabby
Ammo
Ari
Jesse
Paulina
Vanessa&&Josh
Darren

I Love you all, and appreciate you. ii know for a fact yall wuld hav loved ma dad..ESPECIALLY THE SMOKERRRS UP THERE..kus ii remember he loved to blaze up. lol.
THANK YOU ALL

-SlowPoke'

MEET MY BROTHER...

sometimes, its hard for me to believe we are even related.. my little brother Julian.. is the biggest Square of them all. he is sarcastic and corny. and he inderectly cheers me up without letting me know that he knows im upset.. so he walks in my room, and starts talking to me about his usual issues, cutting the snack line, recess tag,and now girls..he tells me that he only holds pretty girls hands because the prettyer a girl is, the cleaner she is.. lol..and i ask why inbetween laughs..&& then he says, "because Pretty Girls Dont Boo-Boo"....WHAT?!! hahahaha.... he is 9 years old, and thinks that pretty girls dont boo boo. now, i dont know if he was just saying all this to make me laugh, because he seemed sorta fa real. in a way, i began to associate what he had just told me, with my life, in a metaphoric way..

&& then he says,
"because Pretty Girls Dont Boo-Boo"...

to think that because i am a overall good person, and i make an effort to go thru my days with few sins, it never crossed my mind, that i had problems..like deep issues that needed to be delt with. it didnt come out of my ass, and i dont stink..but it is somewhat of a constipation deep down.. wanting to let go of things,but my body wont let me. my heart isnt ready...

....just a thought...

-SlowPoke'

Growing Pains...OUCH!

when you are a child, you cry. you cry over very little things, like scraped knees,and dropped ice cream cones..and you cry with all of your breath, and using all of your chest muscles,and vocal cords..tears stream down your face, and snot runs..and your crying because in that moment, there is nothing more important then that dropped ice cream, or scraped knee, that was all you cared about,and now all your left with is an empty cone and a bloody wound. as you get older, you cry over things that are still just as small, but are just as important to you at the time, like a failed midterm,or an ended relationship...people cry because they are happy,sad,hurt,or frustrated..i can only recall crying when i was everything but happy. and it always had to do with some little boy. up until recently, i always saw the friends around me, go through things,and have problems, and i never really had deep issues unless it had to do with boyfriends...

my baby sister pickle was born, and then there came the biggest emotional and spiritual test of my life. i suddenly realized what having my father around didnt feel like. and i began to notice how everyone had there BIRTH fathers in there lifes, if even from a very far distance. and i noticed how they took having both parents in there lives for granted. i questioned if i wasnt deserving enuff to hav my dad alive to see me graduate highschool, and why i cant call him when me and my mom get into it. im at the point in my life where a young women should know her father..not a "father figure"... and i have spent so long trying to fill a space that cant ever be filled..and now i feel that space is consuming me. i havent gone a day without crying. i cry every and anywhere, where the people dont know me. i must go through this alone, and all i can do is pray.. but praying does not take pain away, neither do lovers, or talking to someone about my problems... its not pride, or ego..but unless someone can reach into my heart and grab whats hurting, then ill spend the rest of my days sleeping, because thats the only time i dont hurt. the only time i dont cry.

on February 14th, my fathers birthday, i will be spending a piece of my day, with him at his grave for the first time since i was 9. i hope that in that moment i find peace within myself, and some sort of comfort and clarity. i would never wish death on anyone, and though i am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, i dont see how what im gaining from a fatherless childhood.right now im holding an empty ice cream cone, and there are no bandages for a broken heart..hopefully, in time i will look back on this as another thing that helped shape who i am..

"she's my girlfriend, but your my wife.."

February 5th...
AND I JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE

i think im to nice. i think im way to good at pretending things are okay. i dont know how to express my emotions. im tired of evreyone thinking of me as a "wife" type. im angry, and im upset. wifes are polite, and know when to be quiet, and wait up all night for their husbands. they wash dishes and clean up after a husbands mess. they are always taken advantage of, and the wife is completly aware of it. she is blinded to the fact that things will never get better unless she opens her mouth. a wife sweeps all issues under the rug. when asked how its going, a smile is shown and the "evreything is great" tone comes out..when alone, teeth clench and grit in irratation. i am everything a wife is an isn't. do i let people walk all over me?..no. but do i have maybe too much patience.?.. yes. and with patience, should come a lack of frustration and better understanding. but im tired of understanding everyone else, and making excuses for other people mistakes. there is a point where a person must realize the path that is being taken, and from there make a choice. right now, im standing inbetween those two paths, deciding on whether to put a smile on, and get to the household chores, or to tell the truth and shame the devil. every choice in life, leads to a different outcome, but in many of the situations i am currently in, i only see the same fate for them all.

p.s.

someone asked me today why i write..and i realized that my words have more courage then i do.

-SlowPoke'

The Thing About Men Is...

RULE ONE...
u cant change a man. the biggest mistake you can make is to walk into a relationship or be in one, and think that you can change his "ways"...HOWEVER, there is a diffrence between changing a man, and COMPROMISING with one. a women must always lower her standards slightly to be with the man she is in love with..Men only care about there interest(sports,food,rest,and then you) and in THAT order.and only one at a time. (bekus men dont multi-task)

RULE TWO...
Men are SIMPLE.. all they want are three things from you. he wants you in a good mood, he wants you quiet, and he wants you to...lick him.. i have learned to be selectively silent..usually, if its in my head, i want it out my mouth.. you know how people say "pick your battles"..sorta like that. Know when to shut up..the issues that a women thinks is an issue..the man is never aware of it, and usually thinks evreything is fine.

RULE THREE...
"I LOVE YOU"'s are important to both men and women.
WOMEN, are AUDIO-VISUAL. We need to see it, hear it. We need evidence and proof..not faith and hope.MEN are Kinesthetic.

RULE FOUR...
there is no fight you can ever win. fighting is like a car, evrey dent, u can cover up with paint..but its still a dent.98 percent of the time,its the women who starts the fight. because women think they can take a hit and get over it, but we get over nothing. we hold grudges from bitches in 3rd grade.