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iive had the worst chest pains lately.. ii try && seem under control..not to scare any one. but sometimes it just is unbearable.. ii caant even explain it.. it has alot to do with the stress && anxiety ii put myself thru.. ii feel so old sometimes.. laughing to hard.HURTS..trying to keep from crying HURTS... walking too fast HURTS...anything over exhurting my upper body..hurts..its rediculous..ii get hella tired easily..all ii ever wanna do is sleep, or be wiith HIM..all these hospital bills r killiin me.. makes me wanna juss breathe thru the heart pain. lol. i hear "hospital", and instantly see the dollar signs leaving ma bank account.. ii stress out when the people i care about stress out.. ii stress out for them..ontop of my stress.. ii juss need to make a few moves..so that way we kan be straight... ii could never be content with the place i am at in my life because there is always opportunity to better it.. but ii cant complain either if im not doing much to help..

... ii chose not to blog about the last few days..juss because ii still havent taken it all in.. ii will say this tho.. whutever it was.. iit was bomb. and ii wish that there was a button ii could press so ii could feel that way alllllll day... ii mean there kinda is a button..but ii dont have that kind of access to it as ii would like.. ii read somehwere that there might be a possibility for a few allnighters.lol. we'll see if that oppurtunity arises... (pause) ..literally. lol