CHIP,DiiP,&&SQUAD...

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THE GREATEST THING U KULD EVER KNOW IN LIFE IS LOoVE...


&& as for MY CHiiP........(SIGH)...no words could ever express the joy ii feel when im around him. he is trully someone special on all levels and areas in my life.. its crazy to me how things happen.ii believe in LoOve and that it exists. ii believe that everyone has a counter part to their soul..and ii found myne..my every thought is of hiim(&&food). and im not scared n e more. to Love,or Be LoOved, or even of getting hurt. for the first time ,ii can honestly say that iim iin LoOve with someone that im fully comfortable with,and trust completly. with him ii am content && calm..&& everything is okay in that moment...even after the moment is over..ii high off LoOve, but i still have a since of reality..its good to not always be the one that speaks in "we's",or always says "I Love You", ...its okay for the world to know who has my heart..I LOVE HIM MORE THEN ii COULD EVER PROMISE...I kuuld go on&&on about him, i kuld write a blog on him alone...ii fell In Love With PAUL DAViiS...ON CHRISTMAS at 4 in the morning. ii woke up at 7 in the morning after only 3 hours of sleep, with a big ass grin on my face...ii measure my LoOve by how much sleep im willing to loose for sumone, id go days , months, even yeears w/o sleep for hiim tho..just as long as he's by my siide..

-SlowPoke'

VALENCIA BASHiiiiiN!!!!

the one tiime ii actually want to BE iin LA..im not. wtf is a valencia n e way. i hate this place. its kold, my big toes are numb, i can barely feel my fingers..whuts in valencia?...mountains. thats it. six flags KAY..i wanna be home. with ma SQuad && my LoOve....


--SlowPoke'

DONT LET THE SMELL GO AWAY!!

A METAPHOR IN SO MANY WAYS...

i smell like 6 3' sized bear hugs,

like long eyelashes and smiles that make me blush,

like sticky cheeks from candy cane kisses.

today i realized that these are the moments i live for. i love that i smell like the one person that means the mostest to me.in these moments i am happy. i am complete and calm. i have a new found since of security..finding it easy to fall asleep on him with no worrys or questions or concerns... love is what i live for. and though at some point in my life..i slightly lost that part of me..i found it again..but this time seems to be diffrent then before..my heart seems way to mature for me. my mind is filled with fear. doubts only come when im away from him. and being able to tell someone a super secret and confide in them is diffrent then telling them what happend on the way over.. i took a shower..and gently..lol..washed the smell away..not wanting it to leave..wanting to sleep in my clothes, so that way 2marro it wuld feel like he was there with me...i feel as though i should start crying alittle everyday..to get ahead start on the enormous pain ill feel at somepoint where this all becomes null-in-void....and me trying to tell myself that im not already In Love with this man...just makes me even more nervous..i really hope in my heart, that this is where im suppose to be. let everything ive been through not be in vain. all of my expirences should give me strength to go thru n e obsticles..where i am in my life, this would have to be the biggest leap of faith on love i have ever expierenced..and for some reason..i feel like it'll be worth it in the end..that in the end..there wont b tears to cry..not of pain n e way..and i dont cry when im happy..thats just wiierd.. lol





... I Love You More then Musiq
You are My Musiq... __P.D.

"I Love You, But Im Not In Love With You"...

how do you know, when your not in love with someone anymore?..

at what point do you realize it?..

the phrase im use to saying.."its complicated"..applies here...once youve moved on from your former relationship..

(whether its just talking to other peole,or havin a buch of bitches)

but your still in love with that person..when have you really moooooved on?

this is the question i have been asking myself..seeing it hppen in so many other people...you can easily just move on from a person. but letting that person go..that means breaking from that bond and whatevr else..i think this happens when you find someone else..not just ANY someone else either..it has to be someone your actully thinking of being with serously of course..

you cant trully move on from your past unless you have a present..a future..someone who helps you to move foward...now..what if your stuck in the middle?.. and i dont mean, having trouble choseing between the two..because you know for a fact that you will not be with the former..any time soon..but you still keep holding on..i think its okay to hold on..but you shuold never be stuck on the same person if your not going to be with them.it always makes it harder to deal with "no more title"..because you know they arnt tryna b with you..so why waiste time putting forth effort and feelings,that wont result in anything..

being friends is totally diffrent..if you know that you can handle a friendship,after a break up, then go for it..but sending a man mixed feelings just frustrates them an pushes them away. dont be friends with an EX if you cant handle it. wanna play dumn?...i mean, if you cant hanndle him telling you he went out the night before with his boys,and pulled more hoes then the rest..lol...then you need to seperate yourself from him.

PERSONALLY, i see my ex as one of my bestfriend..BUT, i think im able to be so close to him because he lives so far away..so i dont have to go thru seeing him at skool everyday or n e thing horrifying like that. we prolly wuldnt be as close as we are,if he lived in LA..only bkus i know how i am.. at the same time, if i came across someone else that i was trying to be with, i wouldnt feel bad..not because HE broke up with ME..but because he made the clear decision that i prolly wouldnt have ended up in his future as far as a "relationship" is concerned..the last thing im gunna do is feel bad or guilty or whatever else..

im not kold hearted or nuthin..but its just like, if theres one last pair of duncks in your size on the shelf, but you realize, its prolly not a good idea to get them RIGHT NOW..for whatever reason..theres no gaurentee that they will be there 2marro when your ready to go pick them up.....so im those pair of SO VERY FRESH duncks,..but someone else found me,bought me, and is wearin me now......damn im good

"LOVE...sO MANY PEOPLE USE YOUR NAME IN VAIN.....

LOVE..THOSE WHO HAVE FAITH IN YOU,SOMETIMES GO ASTRAY....."

-Musiq-

I Love You is never too soon

there are somethings i cant listen to my friends about...every..and i mean EVERY relationship i have been in theres been a time where the phrase "I Love You" was ready to be made.(by me first of course)....ive had my share of expirences so i think its alot easier for me to recognize when i love someone..and everyones definiton of loving someone is diffrent..as horrible as it is, i measure how much i love a person by how much SLEEP im willing to loose for them..


its the falling in love part that seems to take ALOT longer each time...tho ive come as far to an i love you..its the being in love im very much terrified of..thats a since of vulnerability, that i always know im not ready for....i can never tell at what point do i say im IN LOVE withsomeone..ive never noticed what changes or anything.. i think i walk into it with my eyes closed expecting all to be swell in the world..almost like love is my religion..you can do all things through(instead of christ) its LOVE...

the nicest thing she did was have me..

my mother thinks i dont appreciate her.. all bekus i sorta kinda forgot her birthday...when really i just thought the day of her birthday was the next day..see the diffrence?..well the women is insane..my greatest fear is not death..but turning into the neat freak,nagging,and controling women that only did one really nive thing for me in life,and thats give me birth. sometimes i wanna curse her out, strangle her in her sleep, or even just accidently on purpose step on her big toe. if i had a place to go, id leave. but my clothes are there...lol...and my chuks..and ive been threatened that if i dont come home ....ill find them on the lawn,in the trash,and given to my 3 dogs as chew toes....looks like ill be here till i get that acceptence letter....

My Heart Resides in The Harlem Skys...

is it true that everything happens for a reason?..

i think that eventually, if not now, i'll end up back in new york. its like my LA..only without my mother breathing down my neck. im anxious to leave. its hard for me to love a place that represents me being confined to ONE AREA..MY HOUSE.. i did all of my growing up in highschool,and all my memorys are here..but my heart is not. i cant wait to leeeave. whether its Hampton or Harlem...im dippin out. and im not lookin back.

hello heartache, ive been expecting you...

My Mid-life Crisis:

ii had, the ballin type,would call all night,keep claimin he comin thru,

the C.E.O, he'd bring me dough, cus he always had sumthin to prove,

had the meet me at the poetry spot,down to earth man,

had the player,with no goals,no heart,just game,

i had a control freak who thought that he could keep me on a chain,

and a N-Word that lied so much,

i dont even know his real name,

at the end of the day,they all made me feel the same,

i had a million things to loose and not a damn thing to gain

....

i found someone who made me smile, 24-7...laughing AT HIM, more then WITH HIM..lol..im not one to say that it could have gone into a serious relationship,but for whatever it was, it was fun while it lasted... i think that every woman is aloud to have ONE favorite mistake of her life...




Running From My Future??
if theres a REAL thing known as perfect timeing, then this is definitely it. .. so why am i so scared?..why am i holding back?..when my life seems to be falling into place almost perfectly...why am i running from it all. i have the oppurtunity to be with someone who is nothing short of greatness and yet, im all choked up. the fear of failure,and rejection..thers always ONE PERSON..that at some point chnges everything for me... i already know how i am, and seeing that i was already indirectly in-love with him..i know if i fall fa-real,ima fall hard. bekus i never do n e thing halfway..especially when it comes to love. but once again, all those failed relationships come running through my mind at the beggining of every conversation i have with him..everyone has there reasons for not wanting me..usually having to do with timing.. im always late when it comes to walking into someone elses life..everyone else is on time when they walk into myne...but i feel like this time, its TOO PERFECT...its bound to fail...im sure he'll prove me wrong though..im sure. all i can hope for is patience from him..and courage from myself...ive never been a negative person when it comes to love..im ride or die all the way..but im just sick of dieing...all thats left to do is have faith in god that this is where im suppose to be...

Better, Never Bitter

being the type of person that has put their all into LOVE on not one but TWO diffrent occasions..i find that i am now, not so much against it. but just bored, and carry a "could care more" (becus i care so very little) atttitude. im sick of relationships, of guys in general. ii find that I'm pretty much a jerk now towards guys.maybe from resentment?....I've expeirenced something that was 3 states short of perfect. And i feel that once again, i was left with the short hand of the stick...So maybe in some way, i just don't wanna waste my time with anyone else..

in every relationship there's a downfall, maybe one, or many. So i feel that unless i find someone else who is basically me with a penis, then my journey of love is at its end for a long while. And seeing that i just broke up with my twin, wuld b saying that its time to focus on my career.

maybe its just that no one, and i mean NO ONE can handle me the way i want them too, so i get frustrated. I find that I'm more sarcastic, and have more of a Mouth,then ever before.. I know I'm a tripple threat, kus ma SQUAD helped raise me..lol.
but now Ive turned into the little kid you try to feed spoonfuls of medicine to, and i turn my head and shut my lips tight together. As appose to being the kid in the candy store not being able to decide, because there were just so many to choose from. (what a metaphor!)..

Its (LIKE) I'm sick, but i don't want to get better. I just want to be left alone. I want people to stop starring at me. My figure draws way to much attention. I never noticed how much people starring at me BOTHERED me...girls &&& guys. I don't (LIKE) going anywhere alone, because i feel i stand out even more. With other people i don't notice I'm being gawked at. I've never been one to crave attention i just always received it. But now, because of my indiferrent feelings about love, i feel i should just blend in. Its not (LIKE) I'm tryna
"catch a mann", as my Nana would say.

Of course reality comes slapping me in the face and i realize who i am.
TAYLOR Muther-(F-WORD) GRAY
the last of my kind bitch. And No I'm not dropping my last name when i get married. I'll be a thick figured career woman pushin a benz and the first in my crew to get divorced!.... im only better never bitter..


"ima move on cause im strong as ever without you,
i can do better, but i can never forget about u"
-Cassidy

Never a stupid Question, Only stupid people

First off, let me just say, that im so happy i decided to be a slacker in highschool because i have met so many amazing, hilarious, and ignorant people in my few short months at SMC.. today the question was brought up of the phrase"P's & Q's" what in the HAIL is that?..prayers and questions?...be on your P's & Q's?...

nothing important to say today... a fire hydrant ran into my thigh this morning..now i have a bruise on my thigh..i look abused...


P.S.!!! ive decided that i want a BIG family! although i cant picture 4 BIG ASS HEADS coming out of me..GROSS, i want my own kids, and to adopt ONE. i also want PETS lots and lots.. why u ask?



because every day, i want to come home to things like THIS!! ^^^^^^^





all my pets think they are THEE BIZ - NAZZ...which they ARE!!




-Slowpoke

Love is Pain...

Love is Pain...


... because a beautiful sunset is too big to embrace alone.

... because taylors best friend doesnt care about much, but she cares about her.

... because love is stressful.

... because when taylor last hugged her father,
she didnt know that it would be for the last time.

... beacuse life is hard.

... because everyone has there own life to deal with.

... because taylor wonders who's going to be there for her 10 years from now.

... because every hello also has a good-bye.

... because all you can do is keep breathing.

... because love and pain sometimes come hand-in-hand.